Happy Birthday in Heaven Darling <3 May 7th 2018

* Happy one year in Heaven Willow *

Time is such a weird thing. It ebbs and flows speeding up so fast yet slowing as if it stands still but never stops. Time is often a cooling balm to a burning wound that seems to have no remedy.

The pain of missing her is still just as deep, just as gaping, but somehow we've learned to continue living with a Willow shaped hole in our hearts. Good thing it's not forever. If it were forever I'd give up now and turn back. Throw in the towel and give up. But knowing that Christ paid the ultimate price so we can be with our daughter again makes putting one foot in front of the other possible. Knowing we get to raise her and kiss her and hold her and never let her go ever again makes the random waves of grieve that pull me under the water bearable. Knowing we'll one day get to see who's eye color she got and what her laugh sounds like makes striving everyday to be just a little bit better worth it. 

If someone would have told me a year ago where we'd be today, I would have laughed in their face. I didn't think "healing" was possible. And I was right. It's not. You don't "heal" from losing a loved one. You just learn to live with the hurt. You rebuild and add stabilizers to your walls so the next time the wave comes to know you down again you're ready. You're able to combat it with your knowledge of the Gospel, your love for the Savior, and your understanding that it won't be like this forever. You become closer as a couple than you ever imagined possible. If this heartache didn't break us, nothing will. 

I can't say I don't wish things hadn't panned out differently. Believe me, I DO. I wish she were with us every second of every day. But I can say what we've learned this past year is invaluable. The strength we've been forced to acquire will never be taken for granted. And the deep roots we've intertwined together in our marriage is something we'll take to eternity. 

So happy birthday Willow, Mom and Dad love you to Heaven and back <3

XOXO