August 6th 2017
***I have major déjà vu ***. .
This was us exactly a year ago (hiking) InJoseph, OR a week before he started school in Lebanon. We also got pregnant with our little surprise baby this week last year. We had so many new things to look forward to. So many "firsts." We had just moved to a new town and looked forward to the new adventures we'd find there, Jon was starting med school and had no idea what to expect, we were going to be parents which was the most exciting thing we had ever looked forward to. .
This week is exactly the same (Wallowa lake) but we're two completely different people. We're still here in Joseph, Jon still starts school again in a week... but now we're going back to a town and school we know and I'm preparing myself for long days spent alone with Jon at the school studying. And our surprise baby is in Heaven. .
So now I'm not sure what I'm supposed to look forward to. Everything is old news, and the baby that was supposed to keep me company this year on those long lonely days is keeping other angels company now. I'm not bitter, I'm not mad about what happened or the change in direction our path took. But it's weird expecting and preparing for life to revolve around a little human for 9 long months and then for everything to suddenly change. .
Is it selfish to say this year is a "me" year?
I guess what I'm looking forward to now is bettering myself. Serving other bereaved mothers, loosing 25 lbs of pregnancy weight, working on my business and being a more invested leader. I wanna continue growing my relationship with my Savior and learn to be a better disciple. Maybe I'll even write a book or train for a marathon
🤷🏼♀️the possibilities are endless! .
I guess what I'm looking forward to now is bettering myself. Serving other bereaved mothers, loosing 25 lbs of pregnancy weight, working on my business and being a more invested leader. I wanna continue growing my relationship with my Savior and learn to be a better disciple. Maybe I'll even write a book or train for a marathon
🤷🏼♀️the possibilities are endless! .
But whatever comes in the future I know we can handle it. I'm starting fresh this year of school and gonna make the most of it 
👊🏼 I've learned a broken heart doesn't kill you and you can learn to cope with the pain on a daily basis. Not to say I don't still have a meltdown every time I see a baby that looks the age Willow would be by now...but I'm taking baby steps and with God, my freaking awesome husband, and lots and lots of faith I know I can do it and be great at whatever "it" turns out to be.
👊🏼 I've learned a broken heart doesn't kill you and you can learn to cope with the pain on a daily basis. Not to say I don't still have a meltdown every time I see a baby that looks the age Willow would be by now...but I'm taking baby steps and with God, my freaking awesome husband, and lots and lots of faith I know I can do it and be great at whatever "it" turns out to be.
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